- Scissors
- Knitting needles
- Hot coffee
- Your infant
- Great-grandmother’s blue vase
- Broken glass
- A vial of smallpox virus
- 3 Mako sharks
- Mud
- The neighborhood symphony orchestra
- Processed cheese
- Homemade cheese
- Shredded cheese
- The Boxcar Children
- Your replica Civil War-era musket
- A broken leg
- Kerosene
- A feral wolverine
- Someone else’s infant
- A hot casserole
- Paint
- Both of your hacksaws
- An iPod (In areas with heavy traffic, because you might not hear the cars coming. It’s a serious safety precaution.)
- Crusty custard
- The flu
- An overwhelming sense of confusion and disapproval as regards today’s society and the people in charge of it
- A chatty running partner
- An elk
- The loveliest floral teapot you ever did see
- $300 in nickels
- Anything you’ve shoplifted in the last few days
- Anyone who refers to every animal they see indiscriminately as a “critter”
- A chafing shirt
- Several iron ingots
- H2SO4
- A moderately inexperienced taxidermist
